How to Handle Divorce: Ten Quick
Tips
1.
Protect the children. Children have a deep psychological need to think well
of BOTH parents. Avoid letting them hear you put down or say bad things about
the other parent, regardless of how justified you feel in saying these things.
2.
Depend on the experts. Well- meaning friends and family will give you legal
and psychological advice; that’s not a good source. Thank them for their
concern and move on.
3.
Avoid other drastic life changes. Make your life as stable as possible
right now. Try to keep sleeping and eating on a schedule. See your doctor
and/or counselor immediately if these are disrupted for more than a week or
so-depression and anxiety may take hold if basic needs are ignored.
4.
Take a Divorce Parenting class as soon as possible. When I taught
this class, the comment I heard most often was, “why didn’t someone tell me to
take this sooner?” You will find help and support there. Ask your attorney for
more information.
5.
Maintain professionalism at work. It is natural for your focus to be disrupted, but
strictly limit the amount of time you spend on email or conversation about your
divorce.
6. Lay it down sometimes. Take a break
and play with your kids. Go see a funny movie. Let your mind rest. If the
worries persist, promise yourself you will go back to worrying about the issues
later that day, then return to the fun.
7.
Limit contact with your ex-spouse. You are not obligated to endure any
conversations that your attorney does not require of you. Make your contact brief and limited only to necessary
details of custody issues.
8. Observe your breathing. Under
stress, our breathing often becomes shallow. This leads our muscles to tense up
and puts the whole body on constant alert. Put a sticker or an object around
your workplace and use it as a reminder to breathe deeply.
9.
Stand up for yourself. It’s time to say “I need, I feel” or “no, I
can’t do that.” Maybe this is new behavior for you. A counselor who has been specifically trained
in divorce (not marital) counseling can teach you how to detach and communicate
in a civil manner that protects the dignity and rights of both parties.
10. Finally, remember: this WILL pass. You are
currently experiencing one of the hardest life experiences there is. Keep your
focus firmly on the hope of a peaceful outcome and take care of yourself in the
meantime.