There
is no arguing that our lives have been impacted by technology. Technological advances over the past several decades
have progressed our society and culture way beyond what our ancestors could
have ever dreamed. Professionals in the Psychological community, such as Kay
Byers, Licensed Professional Counselor Supervisor (LPC-S), have been closely
monitoring the expanding computer-and-human association since the 1990s,
because of how technology virtually touches every aspect of our lives. Recent
leaps forward in technology have forever changed how we interact and
communicate, conduct business, gather and disseminate information, shop for
things we need, entertain ourselves, and more.
Digital
discoveries in education, business, healthcare, emergency response, commerce,
law enforcement, social connection, science, and more have shaped society and
the human race in ways we are not even fully aware of yet. However, counseling
mental health professionals like Kay Byers, LPC-S, are studying the effects
technology is having on social interaction and relationships in order to help
patients deal with — and protect themselves against — fallout caused by
overly-intrusive and interruptive technology.
For
instance, in her practice providing individual counseling and couples
counseling, Kay Byers and her counseling associates have begun to get a glimpse
of what long-term effects technology has on the way people communicate with
each other. In an age where texting, snap-chatting, tweeting, and
instant-messaging is the norm, those who remember pre-internet human
interaction wax nostalgic over the lost art of the conversation, and enjoying romantic relationships without the aid —
or intrusion — of technology.
Kay
Byers, and other members of the pychological community, are dealing with this
new phenomenon in individual and couples counseling. For instance, the term “technoference” was coined
by Penn State University’s Brandon T. McDaniel, who specializes in the studies
of human development and families. The term reflects the disconnect some
couples are experiencing due to people being “addicted” to their mobile devices
and technology, to which they are always connected. As a result, they are
always “on”, and consequently, distracted from their partner.
As
Kay Byers has discovered during some of her couples counseling sessions, the
sometimes-obsessive tendency to always be checking devices, smartphones — even
watching TV — can drive a real wedge between romantic partners. Time spent
making meaningful connections with each other by enjoying activities, eating
and even talking, is often interrupted by these forms of technology. This
leaves the other partner feeling dissatisfied with the relationship, frustrated
and isolated at times - even if the technoference is not done on purpose.
Smartphones in particular appear to cause the most interference because people
can do everything on them - view and post on social media sites, check email,
take pictures, check news and sports scores, and more. In fact, it has been
reported that among women, approximately 70% of them believe their romantic
relationships are being meddled with by these modern marvels.
Whether
intentional or not, someone constantly being drawn away from their significant
other — and into the lure of technology — sends the message to their partner
that they are not really important to them. That can cause real problems to the
couple, and to the individual. Along with stunting the intimacy of the
relationship, this can even bring on angry and negative feelings about a
person’s own worth, life in general, and contribute to depression and other
mental disorders. This is not to say that smartphones are always damaging to
romantic relationships. In fact, when used properly, the time saved taking care
of things on your smartphone can give people more time to spend with their
partner.
Through
her couples counseling and anger management counseling services, Kay Byers,
LPC-S, advises the following tips to set boundaries and keep technology from
ruining romantic relationships.
#1 – Let’s Get a Few Things
Straight
Come
up with a few agreed-upon rules about when technology will be off-limits.
Probably the first hour home with your partner, or dinnertime, are good times
to put your device away, so you can devote that time fully to each other to
share the day’s events. Shut your device off, or silence it, so you don’t hear
alarms and dings that will beckon you to it.
#2 – Don’t Go There
One
of the things Kay Byers stresses to her patients in individual counseling and
couples counseling is to establish places that will be device-free. This may be
challenging at first, since people are used to having their devices with them
everywhere. The importance of disconnecting from the world to focus entirely on
your partner should be honored in certain areas of your home — such as the
bedroom — to ensure boundaries are being set and the relationship is being
protected from outside intrusion.
#3 – The Buddy System
Couples
in counseling to help their intimacy issues (and generally improve their
relationship) should learn how to give each other slack when someone falters,
and gently get them back on the right track. Old habits die hard; it’s
important to be gentle which each other and find loving ways to remind each
other of the rules you’ve agreed upon. Using humor is always a good way to
remind your partner without coming across as judgmental or angry. Just make
sure that the humor is not sarcastic!
#4 – Cut the Cord
If there are certain sites, apps, games, etc. that are
just too addictive to a person, Kay Byers, LPC-S, will suggest removing them.
If the relationship is worth making a priority, this might be the best decision
to make for someone who just can’t seem to limit himself or herself. After all,
these sites can be accessed from a computer or laptop, but are not as
immediately accessible as they are on a smartphone that is always at the
person’s side.
Kay Byers and her associates have seen the progression of
technology in society as a growing strain on relationships in many of the
couples they treat. She encourages couples to assess their attachment to their
devices, and make appropriate usage adjustments to avoid making them into a
third “partner”.
If you need help with your relationship, please contact the office at 214 546 4514 now.
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