Say What You Need to
Say: Healthy Communication Tips
“Even
if your hands are shaking
And
your faith is broken
Even if
your eyes are closing
Say it
with your heart wide open
Say
what you need to say.”
(John
Mayer)
“Finding
your voice” is a wonderful benefit of therapy, as you learn here that you have
both a RIGHT to ask for what you want and the WAY to state your needs
respectfully.
Some
basic tips when you are “saying what you need to say:”
- Use “I Need” instead of “you should.”
It is not OK for you to tell
other people how to live their lives. “Saying what you need to say” is
NOT a license to judge, criticize or otherwise counsel others!
It IS OK to require them to treat
you with respect, but you must first ask respectfully. This means not
yelling your message at them. Not using sarcasm or anger. It means speaking up
firmly and courteously about what you will or will not tolerate.
- Speak honestly, clearly and directly—don’t hint, manipulate or guilt-trip others.
We get in trouble when we expect others to
“just know” or read our minds. This is a common pitfall when dealing with the
opposite sex. Women, most guys don’t get all the hints and signals that your
girlfriends do. It’s not a sign of any lack of love. “Say what you need to say”
without playing games.
3. After you say what you need to
say, take responsibility for what comes next.
You have choices here. Maybe you’ll get what
you’ve asked for, maybe you won’t. The next step is to decide what is required
in order for you to stay in the relationship or on the job. Do you need to
require marital counseling? Do you need a different job where you are
respected? Do you need a time apart? Do you need to hire help to get things
accomplished which are being neglected?
Then, do what you need to do.
Say what you need to say.
And let me know if I can help in that process.
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